


never meant to make you cry

by darkemberdagger



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Identity Reveal, Some fluff too, inspired from an episode of Lois and Clark, really wanted this to be a one shot but oh well, where Clark is shot in a public place and has to pretend to be dead in front of Lois
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkemberdagger/pseuds/darkemberdagger
Summary: As Kara pushes Lena out of the weapon’s way, the screams of civilians and Lena’s cries echoing throughout the public park, she has only one thought on her mind as her eyes close and she pretends to be dead:I should have told Lena I’m Supergirl.OR Kara has every intention of calmly telling Lena she's Supergirl until an attempt on Lena's life goes awry, making the two of them reevaluate where they stand with each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a killer to write. I have almost all of chapter 2 done and it will be posted tomorrow.

“Lena, there’s something about me that you don’t know and, well, I’m not sure how to tell you.” _No no that’s way too formal. I’ll freak her out before I even get to it_

“Boy do I have some news for you!” _Okay that’s too casual_

“So you know Supergirl, right?” _Oh yeah insult her intelligence_

Kara sighs as she looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. She abruptly rips open her yellow blouse, revealing the House of El crest underneath.

“Surprise!” _She’d never forgive me if I actually told her like that_

Kara shakes her head at herself as she starts redoing the snap on buttons, courtesy of Winn. She has to hand it to him: they really are a great idea, even if Alex had laughed her ass off when he first brought it up.

Kara picks up her glasses from the counter and wears them, not bothering to wipe them off, the dirt visible no matter how carefully she cleans.

_Deep breath. Hold…eighteen, nineteen, twenty, release_

Her reflection still looks anxious.

She knows she has to tell Lena. Or, well, no. That’s not quite it? It’s so much more than that.

Kara _wants_ to tell Lena. She’s wanted to introduce herself as Kara Zor-El for a while now. And that’s not something that happens a lot.

Out of all the people that know her secret, Winn was the only one she chose to tell with no strings attached. Contrary to what people think, she doesn’t go around without a care in the world if people find out about her. Kara doesn’t trust people easily. She’s friendly and she looks for the best in people and she can slip up sometimes (mistakes are universal, not just human), but her trust isn’t just blindly given out.

No alien’s is.

Lena’s different. Lena has always been different.

Kara won’t lose her. Not over this. Hell, hopefully not over anything. She trusts Lena implicitly and her multiple failed attempts at the truth these past few weeks weren’t cutting it.

And it’s just, well, it’s more than wanting to tell her the truth for the sake of it. Lena deserves to know no matter what, of course, but lately things between them have…shifted.

Like, _really_ shifted.

Kara has a list of all the shifts she’s noticed.

  * They’ve become more obviously flirty. Seriously. She can’t even fake her obliviousness at this point. Compliments and innuendos, everywhere.


  * The atmosphere of the restaurants they now go to? One word: intimate. Candles, close seating, soft music, sharing dessert. Sharing _multiple_ desserts. Eventually she’d have to tell Lena her secret just to justify the sheer amount of calories she can put away during one meal while still having no idea where her local gym is.


  * She’s been Lena’s designated “plus one” to a handful of parties now. Some are thrown for admirable causes, some for just showing off how much money the party throwers have. But all fun because she was with Lena. And if Snapper gives her permission to leave a little early that day so long as she gives him an article about it, then one stone will hit both birds or however that human expression goes.


  * They talk to each other. Really talk to each other. A lot. And not just in person but by phone calls, texts, emails… just whatever is closest to them when they think of something that they just _have_ to share with the other. It’s a warmth she’s not used to, getting a text from Lena about absolutely nothing and just knowing that Lena was thinking of her.


  * Lena’s blouses have been undone just a little bit lower whenever she’s with her. And yes, she’s counting this fact because she _knows_ she isn’t subtle about this, even if she denies it. She knows she has sneaked a peek far too often and that it’s becoming a problem. But she also knows that Lena’s noticed a few times and the woman’s heart beat quickens as a smirk forms on deep red lips and Rao, she has got to control herself better before she just outright stares in public and Lena finally calls her out on it.



Kara sighs. She doesn’t know when she turned into kind of a perv.

So yeah, Lena and her have been heading down a romantic path for a while now. And it’s new and exciting and every look makes her smile and every touch a pleasant shock to her nerves and Kara’s pretty sure that Lena returns her feelings (though the possibility of _I’m so sorry Kara but I just…I don’t feel like that_ is mildly killing her).

Lena deserves to know the truth before anything progresses between them, if it does. She has to know what she’s getting into. Not that Kara doesn’t have to cancel plans or run out unexpectedly or have Alex respond to texts when she’s out on a lengthy mission _now_ but…you just can’t do that to your girlfriend? Kara can barely stand doing that to Lena as her best friend. Regardless of how it plays out, at least Lena will know that Kara isn’t intentionally ditching her and instead has to leave for superhero emergencies.

And not just any superhero.

Come on, she’s…she’s Supergirl.

A Luthor and a Super. A loaded history that can flip everything on its head the moment it’s revealed. One that could make Lena not even be able to look at Kara and Kara not able to blame her. One that could tear them apart just as they were getting closer because of circumstances they had no control over.

It’ll be just another one of Rao’s cruel jokes regarding her life.

Kara flexes her hands, places them on her hips, and doesn’t feel silly at all when she nods decisively to herself in the mirror.

Today. Whatever happens afterwards, she’s doing it today. No matter what.

//

_Kara [8:08 AM] Hey! Wanna do lunch?_

_Lena [8:08 AM] Oh Kara I would love to but won’t be able to get away until 2_

_Kara [8:09 AM] We can go then_

_Kara [8:09 AM] If you want to_

_Lena [8:10 AM] Of course I want to see you but are you sure you don’t mind waiting?_

_Lena [8:10 AM] I know how you get when you haven’t eaten in a while_

_Kara [8:11 AM] Food is very important!_

_Kara [8:11 AM] But some things are more important. I’ll wait for you._

_Lena [8:12 AM] You’ve made my day._

//

_Kara [9:47 AM] I’m telling her today_

_Alex [9:49 AM] Sure sure_

_Kara [9:50 AM] For real this time. It’s happening_

_Alex [9:51 AM] And this is what you really want?_

_Kara [9:51 AM] Absolutely_

_Kara [10:11 AM] You know why I have to do this_

_Alex [10:12 AM] I do. I get it. I’m just worried._

_Kara [10:12 AM] I know_

_Alex [10:13 AM] And I support you!_

_Kara [10:13 AM] I know that too : )_

_Alex [10:15 AM] How are you feeling?_

_Kara [10:17 AM] Oh I’m terrified_

//

“I don’t believe you.”

“I swear I’m telling the truth.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“It’s too crazy!”

“Oh, so we’ve finally found where Kara Danvers draws the line?” Lena laughs. “Aliens, magic, and parallel universes are no big deal but _this_? Can’t be.”

Kara fidgets with her glasses and holds one hand slightly in front of Lena before making sure it’s safe to cross the street. Lena smiles.

“I’m sorry! I’m trying to picture it. Like, really trying, but I just can’t imagine Lena Luthor going skinny dipping with a bunch of her classmates in the middle of the night.”

Crap, Kara didn’t say that too loud, did she? She looks around, satisfied at seeing that no one’s paying them any mind.

Kara looks back to Lena, who is laughing at her.

Lena also looks stunning in her blue dress but that’s neither here nor there.

“Well, we did! We were on a weekend trip to France right before graduation and when they first suggested it, I thought “no way in hell”. But then one of the girls mentioned how much it would piss off my mother should she ever find out and…that’s how that happened. However,” Lena turns to her with a teasing smile and a pretty blush on her cheeks, “if you still can’t picture it, I suppose we’ll have to go skinny dipping one of these days, just to prove it to you.”

Kara chokes on _absolutely nothing_ –which is just embarrassing and supposed to be _impossible_ \- after which she stutters for a few long seconds before looking at the woman next to her.

“Oh…kay. That’s…good. Really good, I’d like that. Yeah.”

Kara Zor-El was raised with all the elegance, poise, and grace necessary to be the heiress of the oldest and most noble of houses on Krypton.

These have not been her finest moments.

Lena, bless her, bites her lip so hard to keep from laughing and just looks at her with adoration in her eyes.

Kara smiles and gently nudges her shoulder as they turn the corner, L Corp coming into view ahead.

Lena had insisted on walking and taking advantage of the clear weather after days of rain. And Kara? Well, Kara usually does what Lena asks because the smile Lena gives her in response feels like sunlight. Kara also thinks Lena might know because she’s used that same smile to get her to eat healthy on three separate occasions. Some plan to “make sure Kara doesn’t have a heart attack before she’s 30” or something.

(She’s not whipped. She’s _not_. Yet most people think she is. Once after overhearing her on the phone with Lena, Winn and James made that stupid whip cracking sound when they thought she was out of earshot -which, hello, she’s kind of always in earshot?- after she agreed far too quickly to head to Lena’s apartment that night. J’onn did tell them to knock it off, even though she heard him chuckle about it.

It wasn’t Kara’s fault though. She just knew Lena had a tough day after having a meeting with the board plus a 3 AM conference call before that and really, so what if Kara maybe made a pit stop in Switzerland to pick up those chocolates that Lena just loved so much, she had to bite back a moan every time she ate one and-

Okay, fine. She’s definitely whipped. Whatever.)

Kara tilts her head towards the park in front of L Corp, silently asking if Lena wants to take their weekly walk through it, and Lena nods. It’s a nice place, always crowded during lunchtime but not too many people now and as they make their way towards their usual secluded bench, Kara realizes it’s a good spot to tell her.

It’s quiet and familiar for them but won’t taint any good memories if the conversation turns south. Plus, the chances of this very spot being bugged are laughable.

Will Alex get pissed at her for doing this in such an open location? Most likely. But the thought of souring any memories in Lena’s office, either of their apartments, or any other place the two of them frequent is not something Kara wants to do to either of them.

“So…” Lena continues as they sit down and their hands fall in the small space between them, almost touching. “Do I get to hear any Kara Danvers stories?”

Kara looks at her. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” There’s a barely noticeable hitch in Lena’s breathing and Kara can tell she didn’t mean to say that. She scrambles. “What were you like in high school? That is, if you don’t mind talking about that time. Actually, never mind, I’m sorry I brought it up, forget I said anything.”

She’s flustered and normally Kara would take a second to appreciate this side of Lena that she rarely sees but her need to allay Lena’s fears wins out.

“Lena, I thought we agreed I’m supposed to be the rambler in this relationship.” Some of the tension falls away when Lena laughs and Kara reaches out to hold her hand, smiling when Lena links their fingers together. “It’s okay. I can talk about that time.”

(Kara remembers the first time they talk about it. They were at her apartment and she had been twisting her mother’s necklace around her finger, finding comfort in one of the few things that feel normal in her hands. Lena said it was beautiful and asked where it was from and before Kara could help herself, the story came out of her. The details were altered but the end result was the same: Kara was alone, all family gone, and adopted by the Danvers.

Lena never brings it up again.

It’s also the first time they held hands.)

“Okay, then tell me something.” Lena encourages. “Whatever you want.”

Kara thinks.

“I discovered I really liked art in high school.” _Art? Art? She gives me skinny dipping and I give her…art?_

“Art?”

_Rao even Lena knows that’s bad_

“I’m sorry, I’ll think of something better.”

“No, no!” Lena squeezes her hand. “Tell me. I’ve actually always been curious. I’ve seen all the supplies in your bedroom but you never talk about it and I never see you with paint on your hands.”

“I haven’t had a lot of time to do it lately.” Which sucks. Kara misses it a lot but ever since becoming Supergirl, setting aside a few hours to just paint every week didn’t seem possible. “I really enjoy it though. You remember how I mentioned that I was in a separate program in high school? For students with different needs?”

It’s a good thing she was, too. Not only are most teenagers, well, straight out of _hell_ , but the whole high school environment is completely awful. Loud noises, social interactions, always being crowded, speech she didn’t understand… Couple that with her devastation over Krypton and powers she could barely control? It was a disaster in the making. Everything was harsh and mean and if her eyes weren’t tearing up, they were heating up.

“I remember.” Lena nods.

“Well, one of my teachers got me into it. She liked to show us pictures of famous paintings and landscapes and all sorts of artwork. One day when I was in class, she came over, handed me paints, paper, and a paint brush and told me that the only time she’s seen me react to something is when she would show us different paintings. I, uh, I wasn’t very responsive to anything back then.” Kara clarifies. She knows Lena doesn’t need it but Lena’s thumb grazes over her knuckles in appreciation.

“And I don’t know, I just…I just really liked it? I didn’t have to talk, I didn’t have to interact with anyone, I could just paint what I wanted without worrying I was doing something wrong. Again. I could paint how I felt instead of talking about it to people who would just never understand. And eventually…I started painting my parents. I painted my family, my friends, my home, places I remembered from my childhood…”

Kara isn’t crying but her eyes are a little misty.

“Things you never want to forget.” Lena’s words are soft, her eyes sad. But her small smile is genuine.

Kara squeezes their hands. “Things I never want to forget.”

They stare at each other, the surrounding mood heavy for a sunny day at the park but not uncomfortable.

“Thank you for telling me that.” Lena looks down at their hands. “For feeling safe enough to tell me that.”

“I trust you, Lena. With everything.” _Now, do it now_ Kara takes a deep breath. “There’s actually, there’s something I need to tell you.”

_It’ll be okay. You can do this_

Lena looks at her, curious. “Okay.”

_You won’t lose her_

“The thing is…I’m just going to start at the beginning-“

That’s when Kara hears it.

Ever since she became Supergirl, Kara’s hearing has had to be _on_. It’s in the background and she’s learned to filter out certain noises but she still has to be aware of her surroundings. It’s why she picks up on a thundering heartbeat getting closer with each hard step on the ground.

Kara turns her head and sees a man in a brown coat making a beeline in their direction, other park goers jumping out of his way. Which is suspicious in itself but more so when she hears him mutter _Got her_.

She pretends to scratch her ear and hears the near inaudible beep of her comm turning on, knowing that it’ll alert Alex.

“Kara, what’s wrong.” Lena pulls her hand, trying to get Kara to look at her. She’s worried. “Is everything okay? It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me what you were-“

“Why don’t we go back to your office?” Kara looks back at her and notices two police officers behind Lena, a little ways away. She needs to try and get their attention. She needs to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone.

But first, Kara needs to get Lena out of here.

Now.

She stands, tugging Lena up with her and placing her body directly between Lena and man barreling towards them.

“Kara, _please_ , what’s going o-“ Lena looks past Kara’s shoulder and goes still. “What the f-?”

She hears Alex’s voice on her comm. “Kara, we’ve got a visual and our closest field agents are almost there. The scan picked up signatures of alien weaponry. Be careful.”

_Alien weaponry? Where the hell did he get that?_

Kara spins around to face him, placing Lena tight behind her body. She hears Lena’s fearful _Kara!_ and feels Lena trying to get in front of her, Kara’s arm blocking her path.

He stops five feet from them and screams. “Luthor!”

Well, at least he was loud enough to get everyone’s attention, including the police officers.

Alex comes back online. “Vasquez and Carmichael are 20 seconds out.”

“Leave her alone.” Kara’s voice is steel. “Walk away.”

He smiles cruelly, shaking his head. “Can’t do that. She deserves it!”

Lena looks over Kara’s shoulder at him. “Just let her go. She’s not a part of this.” She tries to bargain with him, tries to move in front of Kara again.

Neither of her attempts work.

“Cadmus was making me better! They were helping me! And then you…you ruined them!”

Kara hears the cops, now much closer, murmuring worriedly to each other. She hears Alex communicate with Vasquez, who just pulled up in the discreet DEO van to the right of them. She hears Lena’s deafening heart beat, her quick breaths, feels the would-be bruising grip Lena has on her hip.

All that fades out when the man raises his bare hand towards them.

No, not bare. Is that…metal? There’s a metallic ring burned onto the palm of his hand.

It takes a split second for it to power up before an orange beam of light shoots out from it.

Kara quickly pushes Lena away from her and steps forward, taking the full impact of the beam in her chest.

It knocks the breath from her lungs and for a few moments, Kara can’t feel anything as she falls to the ground.

…

…

…

And then at once, everything snaps into focus.

The cops are yelling, ordering him to drop his weapon,

Vasquez is whispering to her, telling her to take a deep breath and keep her eyes closed.

Carmichael is subduing the suspect with a tranquilizer dart.

Civilians around them are screaming, filming, or running away as fast as they can.

Alex is in her ear, pleading, saying there are too many witnesses, to stay down, to not get up even though Lena is-

_Lena_

Kara hears the exact moment Lena sees her lying on the ground, the strangled scream that leaves her throat breaking Kara’s heart.

“Kara! No, no, no, please!” Lena crawls from where she had fallen to Kara’s side and it takes everything Kara has to not open her eyes. To not tell Lena that it’s okay, that she’s okay, and stop the agony that’s spilling out from Lena with every breath. Especially when Lena pulls Kara into her arms, trembling hands so gentle around her.

“Open your eyes. Please, sweetheart. You know I love your eyes, right? So let me see them.” Lena’s sobbing and every tear that falls on Kara’s face makes her feel more like a monster. “We’re supposed to go skinny dipping. We still have to try that new restaurant and we still have so many movies we wanted to show each other and we…we’re supposed to do so many things together and Kara, please not you, okay? You can’t leave us…you can’t…you can’t leave me. I won’t allow it. For fuck’s sake Kara, please!”

Lena’s crying so hard that Kara almost has difficulty making out what she’s saying. Alex is in her ear, just apologizing over and over and Kara’s not sure if it’s their combined words or the residual effect from the beam but she feels cold.

Vasquez and Carmichael are next to them now.

“Ma’am, I’m so sorry but we need to take her.” Vasquez says.

Lena pulls Kara close to her. “You’re not taking her anywhere!”

“We don’t know the effects of the radiation. It’s not safe. Please Ma’am.”

Vasquez gently takes her body from Lena, who has to be restrained back by the cops.

“No! Please don’t take her from me! Kara, come back!”

The entire ordeal doesn’t last more than thirty seconds but it feels like days before Kara’s finally being covered up on a stretcher and placed inside the van.

Carmichael drives, checking her rear view mirror every so often to make sure the other DEO van with the assailant is in sight, while Alex and Vasquez are both speaking to her, trying to get Kara to say something.

Kara’s not paying attention to any of it.

Instead, she’s focuses on Lena.

Lena’s heartbreak, Lena being ushered into a private area with empty words of comfort from the cops, Lena’s name on the surrounding people’s lips, for once out of pity and not suspicion.

_I should have told her. I should have fucking told her the first moment I realized I wanted to_

Kara hears Lena whisper _I love you_ and she breaks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So small change of plans...this isn't the final chapter, chapter 3 is.

Kara’s in a daze. Everything’s spinning around her and for the first time, she can’t get ahead of it.

From Alex appearing in front of her the moment they pull into the DEO garage, hugging her tightly and whispering _I’m sorry_ for the thousandth time, to J’onn grasping her shoulder, eyes understanding but voice firm as he orders her to get checked out and make sure she’s okay -she’s clearly not-, to Winn ending his phone call with James and giving her a sad smile before nervously walking off to analyze the still-sleeping suspect’s tech.

And now Kara’s here, almost two hours later and finished with all tests, lying down on the sun bed in Alex’s spare clothes as her sister sits on the chair next to her and works on her tablet.

Time is not passing normally today.

Alex is holding her hand but remains quiet, just watching Kara’s tears silently fall.

A few more minutes pass before Alex finally speaks, always impatient when it comes to Kara’s wellbeing.

“How’s she doing?”

_She knows I’m listening to Lena_

Kara could almost laugh.

She opens her eyes, blinking fast to remove the tears. They steam for a second before evaporating. “She’s finished giving the cops her statement. She, uh, she actually agreed for them to take her home. They’re almost there.”

Alex nods and waits for her to go on.

“She wasn’t crying. She barely made a sound, Alex. Just gave the cops short answers and got out of there as fast as she-.” Kara inhales and closes her eyes again.

Alex is quick to stand, checking her vitals. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“No, it’s not me, it’s-she just got back to her place. She’s-.” Kara massages her forehead and stops listening, Lena’s tears and the guilt from eavesdropping making her feel even worse. “I should have told her sooner. There were so many times when I almost did but I backed out.” Kara sits up and bangs her fist against her knee. “I was just about to tell her at the park before everything went to hell!”

Alex is thoughtful. “In such an open location?”

“ _Alex_!”

“Sorry, sorry! Not that important right now.” Kara hears her mumble _but it kinda is_ and ignores it.

“I don’t…how do I face her? I played _dead_ in front of her!” Alex winces at her words. “She was holding me, begging me to open my eyes and I just laid there to protect my stupid secret!”

Kara doesn’t remember when she grabbed onto the edge of the sun bed but it’s now crumpled in her hand.

Alex shakes her head and sits next to her. “I don’t know, Kara. I can’t imagine what that was like.” She places her hand on Kara’s knee and squeezes. “But I do know that no matter how upset she’ll be, _nothing_ will be more important to her than you being okay.”

Kara leans her head on Alex’s shoulder, thinks about how she was practicing in front of the mirror this morning, and almost whines.

“It’s so much worse now.”

“It is.” Alex agrees.

“You know I practiced how to tell her? I had so many reveals planned.” She laughs but there’s no humor in it. “Funny, serious, casual…I thought I covered them _all_.” Kara shakes her head at herself, feeling like the galaxy’s biggest idiot.

Alex hums, her head resting against Kara’s.

“Rao would make it the most traumatizing one.” They don’t talk after that, Alex just tapping her fingers on Kara’s knee.

(In her darker moments, Kara wonders what she did to make the merciful Rao so angry at her. Why her red sun God gave her burdens too heavy that even the yellow sun can’t help her carry it.

It was a particularly bad night when she first shared these thoughts with Alex years ago. She wonders if her sister is thinking the same.)

They’re interrupted when J’onn knocks on the med bay door.

“I just finished with the interrogation.” He stands at the foot of the bed, hands folded and eyes soft, and his warm presence melts a bit of the ice in Kara’s chest.

“And?” she asks. “Was he hired to go after Lena? Is she in danger? Are others gonna come after her next? Dammit, why am I still here, I need to-“

“Hang on, Kara.” J’onn’s voice is soothing as he places his hand on her foot, urging her to stay in place. “He wasn’t hired. It was revenge on his part.”

“Because Lena exposed Cadmus?” Alex guesses.

J’onn nods. “His name is Joseph Whitman. He used to be a police officer until he was fired for his…extreme anti-alien views.” J’onn and her share a look and she hears Alex grit her teeth.

“How did Cadmus find him?” Kara asks.

“He got into a car accident a few months ago. Got permanent nerve damage in his left hand. The doctors said they couldn’t do anything and that’s when Cadmus stepped in to recruit him, offering to give one that was even better than the original. And that’s what they were doing until Ms. Luthor neutralized Medusa and put a halt to their operation. That’s all I could get.”

“He couldn’t give you a location? He had to be meeting with them somewhere.” Alex stands from the bed and stretches her leg, bones cracking with a relieving _pop_.

J’onn shakes his head. “Cadmus is unfortunately adept at covering their tracks. Blindfolds, different locations, the works.”

“Great.” Kara sighs. “At least this means someone isn’t coming for Lena.”

“Speaking of Ms. Luthor,” J’onn says, “what are you going to do about her?”

She expected the question and Kara’s firm when she meets his gaze. “I’m telling Lena the truth.”

The room goes quiet and she wonders if he disapproves.

It won’t change Kara’s mind if he does. It’s _her_ secret after all. She’s the only one who should have any say in who knows.

But J’onn is…he’s _J’onn_. Disappointing him feels unforgivable.

He nods once. “I thought as much.”

Kara lets out a breath. So does Alex.

“There’s also the fact that,” Alex cuts in, “thanks to idiots with no self preservation skills, videos of your “death” are all over the internet. It’s gone viral in two hours.”

Kara groans and covers her face with her hands.

Alex pats her arm. “It’s okay. We were prepared for this.”

Kara peeks an eye out through a gap in her fingers. “You were?”

Alex nods. “Yup. Operation Phoenix is a go.”

“What’s Oper- wait, seriously? Operation _Phoenix_?”

“It’s fitting.”

J’onn clears his throat. “The DEO has certain plans in place in case your identity is ever revealed or if,” he gestures to her, “something like this occurs. It does help that no one has been able to confirm it’s you in the video.”

That’s some good news. “They haven’t?”

He shakes his head. “There’s speculation, of course. Your…relationship with Ms. Luthor has been more public in the past few weeks. But no confirmation yet.”

(It’s true. Kara’s been having to avoid more and more paparazzi, to Lena’s horror. And she hasn’t always been successful. Just a week ago, Kara got an email from _Cat_ with a link to some gossip article and a picture of Lena and her walking out from a new club, all smiles and leaning into each other.

The message: _You know I hate these gossip rags but pictures don’t lie, Kiara. You look happy._

Halfway around the world and Cat was still giving her advice. And she was only one letter off from getting her name right this time.)

“So what happens now?”

“Well, we start by confirming it’s you.” Alex tells her.

Kara stares at them.

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex waves her off. “We confirm it’s you and then release a statement saying you’ve been taken to a private care center that’s more equipped to deal with alien tech and though you are alive, you’re in the ICU. I’m working out the details with Maggie to see what she can do at her end and Lucy’s offered whatever assistance she can. I’ll call Mom and fill her in on the plan so she’ll know what to say if she’s approached but,” Alex gives her a pointed look, “she did see the video and wants you to call her when you can.”

Kara nods. “Right. Call Eliza.” She sighs. “So how long will Kara Danvers have to be out of sight for?”

“One month, at minimum.” J’onn tells her. “The video makes it clear that even if the beam didn’t kill you, it should have.”

“We’ll keep James updated, too. Have him cover for you at CatCo.” Alex is typing away and Kara hears the _swoosh_ of an email just sent.

“That’s a lot of thank you baskets I need to send out.” Kara shakes her head and interlocks her fingers, pointing them at J’onn. “Okay, fine, it all sounds good. Can I _please_ go now?”

“Yes.”

That was…easy?

“I can?”

“We got your lab results back. Everything’s good. So assuming you’re feeling normal, you can lea-.”

Kara’s in her Supergirl outfit and taking off from her special DEO entrance before he finishes his sentence.

//

Six seconds later, Kara lands on Lena’s balcony without a sound.

The penthouse is dark despite the sun still being out and Lena’s nowhere in sight. Kara would have every reason to think no one was home if it weren’t for the soft cries she can hear from the living room.

Kara has a plan: tell Lena as fast as possible.

She doesn’t let herself agonize over the specifics as she knocks on the balcony door.

The crying doesn’t…stop, exactly, but it’s quieted. Kara’s about to announce herself –as _Supergirl_ , of course. She has some tact- but finds she can’t speak when Lena finally comes into view, sitting up on the couch.

Rao, she looks miserable. Hair in a messy bun, makeup removed but small streaks of ruined mascara along reddened eyes, bottom lip bitten so hard that Kara can see specs of blood on it.

And _oh_ , she’s wearing Kara’s sweater. The silly blue one with ice cream cones all over it that Kara left here the last time she spent the night.

Lena tosses away her blanket and stands to open the door.

She blinks when she realizes Lena’s not wearing any pants.

Lena also doesn’t seem too surprised to find her on the balcony. Which…makes sense, she guesses. They get along, Lena and Supergirl. Kara would go ahead and say that the two of them are friends. Not as close as Lena and Kara Danvers but still. They have their own relationship, even if every action between them is weighted.

_She thinks our mutual friend is gone. Of course I’d come here_

The door opens and the two of them stand there, staring at each other.

Lena sniffles and falls to the floor.

“Lena!” Kara is quick to catch her, gently lowering both of them to their knees and pulling Lena into her arms. “Lena please, listen, it’s-.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry!” Lena’s forehead is pressing hard into Kara’s shoulder and she’s shaking as sobs wrack through her body. “It’s all my fault. She’s…Kara’s d-dead. Oh god, she’s dead and it’s all my fault!” Kara tries to interrupt but Lena pays her no mind, lost in her own world. “She was protecting me. That asshole came for _me_. He wanted to kill me and…and she…she pushed me out of the way.”

“Lena, it’s me.”

“And I was so mad at you! I was actually _furious_ that you…that when she needed her friend, you weren’t there to protect her!”

“It’s me, I’m here, it’s K-!”

“And that’s _fucking_ rich, isn’t it? I’m the _friend_ ,” it’s a loaded word and she spits it out with disgust, “that got her killed and I couldn’t…I couldn’t stop blaming you for not magically knowing she needed you! It should have been me. _It should have been me_ and now she’s gone and I’m just another Luthor that destroys everything good and she’ll never know-.”

Kara grabs her arms and forces Lena to look at her.

“Lena! I’m Kara! I’m right here! It’s me!” She yells.

Time stops as anything _not_ the two of them fades out of existence.

Lena stares at her, accusations and confessions dying in her throat. Shaky breaths escape a shocked mouth as her eyes roam all over Kara.

Her expression is disbelieving, of course. Shaking her head minutely while she examines every part of Kara’s face with a serious gaze.

Slowly, she stops shaking, eyebrows furrowing as she stares into Kara’s eyes until something, and Kara will never be sure what it was, makes her eyes hopeful.

Kara rubs Lena’s arms and whispers _it’s me_ over and over until finally, a trembling hand touches her cheek, so lightly Kara only feels it because she knows it’s there.

“It’s…You’re… _Kara_?”

Kara nods fast, the smallest of smiles quickly gracing her face before falling. “I’m so sorry, honey.” Her voice breaks. “I’m sorry I put you through this. I wanted to tell you for so long. I tried to-“

Lena shoves her in the chest _hard_ and Kara is quick to fall back in order to not break Lena’s hands. She leans up on her elbows and the absolute _hurt_ on Lena’s face is crushing.

Deserved. But crushing.

“I thought you were _dead_!” Lena screams. Her eyes are wild as she looks down at her hands. “I held you in my arms, Kara!” A sob escapes her. “I _begged_ you to get up! To not leave me! The only thing I’ve been able to think about was you lying there and-!”

Lena stands up, anger fueling her and she shakes her head, moving away as Kara stays on the ground, Lena’s words a knife to her heart.

She watches as Lena’s fists cover her eyes. Hears the strangled noises that are stifled in her throat. The clenching of her jaw and the curling of her toes into the tile.

It’s too much. Tears roll down Kara’s face as she gets up and inches closer to Lena, desperate to offer any comfort she can despite being the reason Lena even needs it.

Lena’s eyes snap to hers.

“I thought I lost you, Kara. Do you have any idea what that did to me? You were…I…I thought I lost you! I thought I lost you…”

The anger leaves as fast as it came and in its wake, Lena Luthor sits on the floor, knees tucked to her chest, and cries quietly into her arms.

The sight breaks something in Kara, a fracture she’s unsure how to mend. She’s on her knees in front of Lena and touches a tentative hand to her shin, heart clenching painfully when Lena flinches away from her.

Only for Lena to launch herself into Kara’s arms, clinging so tightly to her as if afraid Kara would just disappear if she were to let go.

It’s a jarring change of atmosphere and Lena’s body is stiff in her arms, fists pressing hard against Kara’s back but Kara just holds her close and whispers _I’m okay I’m here I’m okay_.

After a long while, Lena starts to relax, body sagging against Kara’s.

_Maybe things will be okay_

She hears a muffled groan of discomfort when Lena shifts her weight between her knees.

_Oh whoops. We should move to the couch._

Kara’s about to do just that when Lena, feeling her move, clings tighter and turns her head to stare at her.

“Where are you going?” She’s frantic, arms locking behind Kara’s neck as if that’ll guarantee she won’t leave Lena’s sight.

Kara pushes the hair from Lena’s face. “I was just taking us to the couch.”

There’s a flush on her face as she mutters _Oh_.

Kara stands up and holds out her hand for Lena, who grimaces as the pressure is taken off her legs. She looks down and they both remember that Lena’s not wearing any pants.

Lena bites her lips, lost in thought for a moment, before shaking her head and pulling Kara towards the couch.

_Oh that’s…that’s new_

They’ve cuddled before, yeah, but both of them had been fully clothed and if things weren’t so fragile, Kara would surely be adding this to the top of her list of non-platonic behaviors between the two of them.

Lena lays down first and grabs the blanket from the back of the couch as Kara removes her cape and boots before settling in next to her. Lena’s arm comes over her in a protective hold after she tucks the blanket around them and their legs intertwine lazily.

It’s a quiet few minutes as Kara stares at the ceiling and though Lena’s eyes are shut, her heartbeat is far too fast and body too tense to be asleep.

“I’m sorry.” Kara whispers. “There were too many people. I couldn’t expose m-“

“Shh.” Lena says, sighing as she opens her eyes. “We…we have a lot to talk about and believe me, we will. But not right now. Now, I just need to…” She trails off as she presses her forehead against Kara’s shoulder and gives a light kiss before laying her head on Kara’s chest.

Her head is right over Kara’s family crest and she wonders how Lena feels about that.

“Okay.” Kara says, wrapping her arm around Lena’s shoulder. “Later.”

The sun has long set by the time they fall asleep.

//

Kara leaves the next morning after a _long_ hug from Lena and the memory of her words in Kara’s ear.

_I understand, Kara. Maybe not everything but I promise I’ll try to. But I…also need some time. To figure things out._

They talked that morning and Kara finally explained her side of the story. How Kara had tried to tell her she’s Supergirl for so long now. How she was about to tell her at the park. About how she has to stay out of sight for a month while she “recovers” and even goes into detail about her time in the DEO, which she knows would spark a lecture from J’onn about _what’s the point of being a secret organization if everyone knows about us_?

Lena’s face had been unreadable through it all but Kara thought things were okay given that Lena had held her hand all through breakfast.

But Lena’s parting words to her? They sit like a rock in Kara’s stomach and she dreads the idea that one of the things Lena figures out is that she can’t trust Kara anymore.

While Kara’s head knows she didn’t do anything wrong, her heart still feels like she betrayed Lena. It’s irrational and untrue but it still _hurts_.

Her phone beeps and she lands on the roof of a nearby building to respond.

She has a strict “no texting while flying” rule.

Especially after what happened to that bird.

(For the record, pigeons shouldn’t even be able to fly that high. Rest in peace.)

_Alex [8:12 AM] Operation Phoenix went into motion last night. Kara Danvers is officially benched for a month._

_Kara [8:13 AM] Thanks Alex_

_Alex [8:13 AM] How did it go?_

_Kara [8:17 AM] It went okay. She’s okay. We’re…we’ll be okay_

_Alex [8:18 AM] Okay_

_Kara [8:18 AM] Mean_

_Alex [8:20 AM] But seriously, is everything okay?_

_Kara [8:22 AM] She needs time. She wants to figure things out. I have to give her that_

_Alex [8:23 AM] And I get that. I really do_

_Kara [8:23 AM] But…_

_Alex [8:24 AM] You also don’t owe anyone your secret, Kara. Not even Lena. And I know you know that because you’ve told me that._

_Kara [8:25 AM] I do know that. And I think she does too. We kind of talked about it this morning_

_Alex [8:25 AM] Okay. Good_

_Kara [8:25 AM] So…when you say one month, is that like a 4 week month or a 30 day month?_

_Alex [8:26 AM] Supergirl better keep herself busy for the next 30 days_

_Kara [8:26 AM] : (_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion coming soon


End file.
